I Promise

Last night I was asked if I had been thriving or surviving in 2014. In some aspects of my life I have been thriving, but also in many aspects I have been trying to survive. I am bored of surviving. Bored of worrying and not embracing what is around me.

So in 2015 I make myself a vow to thrive. To see the wonder in the world and feel more complete as a person. I am going to stop seeing joy in material possesions and start to see the joy in doing more. I am going to remember what makes me happy and do it.

Faith and Love

The road ahead may not be easy,

the journey not always fun

and I can’t promise how it will end.

But it’s yours.

It’s always yours and only every

will be yours.

And you have to walk it alone.

But do not be afraid

because others walk on their own roads

on their own paths that will only every

be theirs.

And when in the hum of voices

in the chaos of bodies you

find someone who wants to

walk beside you

In faith and in love

Walk beside each other.

Roads never becoming one but inseparable,

neither leading or following,

but together.

As tides change and paths change

be patient, be kind and be faithful

in her and in Him.

The road ahead may not be easy

the journey not always fun

But I can promise it’s worth it.

 

The image that inspired this poem.

Pretty Petty Pity – Poetry

Winning was never important to me

it’s the taking part that’s key,

but when I met you that all changed

playing scrabble makes you deranged.

You begin to sweat

I begin to fret

and when you lose we fall out,

you huff and puff and sometimes shout!

And even when it’s not a game,

you look at me like I’m to blame

when you are not at your best

even when its not a test.

It’s a good thing you are pretty

and I’m not petty

cause I let you win out of pity.

Hayley and I in hats

 

I drown – Poetry

I drown my sorrow in you

I share with you my greatest joy

Those moments of silent pleasure

I hold you hot and pulsing

You hurt me and I like it

With you even thing is better

You slip inside me

I become whole

I can be be anything

And be anyone I wish to be

And tea my friend, my companion in life

I'll love you till the end

 

 

 

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The Best Moments – Poetry

The best thing in the world
With the exception of chocolate
Is cwtches in the morning
When you are warm and have sleep in your eye
I come in close and put my
Body against yours
It’s warm and soft
You look at me and say
With all the love you can muster
“You’re cold
Go away”
These are the best moments

Hayley and I

No Nonsense November (NoNoNo)

Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Amazon, Netflix. I take these things for granted in my life. They are like chewing gum. I check my facebook page but I realise I am not actually reading it. I watch a show I have already watched on Netflix 3 times just…because.

It’s a habit. A compulsion. An addiction?

So I have decided to have a No Nonsense November (NoNoNo). I pledge to the readers of my blog I am going to have the most productive November in history. Okay, maybe it won’t be that monumental but it will be good! I’m entering the third year of my PhD and obviously I have a lot of work to do. I am not going to lie (unless my boss reads this then of course I’m lying!) I am a procrastinator. I am easily distracted and lead astray by people, food and shiny objects. This is probably why I am still overweight and can’t kick the chocolate habit! I need to make myself focus. I work well on a deadline which is why my life is dictated in small self driven deadlines.

So this November I am giving up social media and on demand tv to help kick the procrastination and get the most out of Nevember. Bye bye to Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest (don’t really use it so won’t be a great loss), LinkedIn (I can almost justify this as work but its going), BBC iPlayer, 4OD, Netflix, Lovefilm etc.

Part of me is really not looking forward to it. I almost don’t want to post about it because them I am actually going to have to do it. But on the other hand it is probably a good thing I give it up for a while. It will let me focus on my work and my social life. The real one I have away from the internet. I can phone people. Go out. I can focus on my experiments which will take up a great deal of time but will hopefully make up a large part of my thesis. Speaking of thesis, I plan to spend a good part of November writing my first results chapter as well as getting a good deal of reading done for my introductory chapter which is due at the end of January. Another draw to NoNoNo is this is National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo. So I can link NoNoNo with NaNoWriMo.

 

Yes, reading this back it all does look a bit of a mountain to climb. A big experiment (plus lots of little experiments), a thesis chapter, reading for another thesis chapter and NaNoWriMo…plus you know normal things like talking to people, eating, seeking the LF, sleeping. Lets see if it happens…

 

3 days to go….

 

 

Dear 16 Year Old Me – Poetry

Dear 16 year old me
Yes, at the age of 24 you are still overweight
And you’re still wearing those same glasses
You never really became cool
Although at the age of 19 you had a hair crisis
And just stopped caring

Dear 16 year old me
That music really sucks
You know you don’t like deathmetal
Go put some B*Witched on your iPod
Go on…you know you want to
And stop wearing that black lipstick
You secretly know it doesn’t look good

Dear 16 year old me
Remember when you read that book
And assured yourself it was a phase
It wasn’t
So stop kissing boys in bars
And when someone tells you they live in a castle
Don’t believe them
You will lose not only a significant amount of dignity that night
But also a very nice cardigan

Dear 16 year old me
Someone will call you beautiful
Even when you have a spot the size of the moon on your face
And some friendships will last 400 miles
And some days the world will be absolutely perfect

Dear 16 year old me
You will make some mistakes
Being catatonic in the knife capital of Europe
That’s a low point
And breaking your ankle on Hogmanay another
But in all honesty
Don’t worry to much
At least this far
It’s been alright

 

Shockingly this friendship has lasted 400 miles

My Worldview – Poetry

My Mother is upset with me
I’ve not captured her in verse
I’ve written about my stepfather who she loves
And my grandmother who lost the man she loves
I’ve written about the boy who held my heart and shook and shattered it
And the girl who fixed my heart and showed me how it works


I’ve never written about my mother because there are no words
To describe the women who crafted me
Unintentionally moulding me in her vision
Who showed me how to look at the world
Who allowed me to question
Who gifted me everything I am


I write about my Mother in every single verse
Because she is in everything I see and say and do
And even when I forget to phone
And forget to say the words
You are with me
Because you taught me
How to look at the world

Mum and Graham enjoying a chocolate fountain

Me and My Mammy

Mammy and Blair

Broken and Beautiful – Poetry

You are as beautiful as you are broken

And I would have glued every shard of you together

Piece by piece

Until blood poured from my crippled hands

Just to make you whole.

But you will always remain fractured,

Ill fitting in the body and mind which god granted you

Until you stop looking for what you see as normal.

And if you love men

Love them with all you are.

As I loved you.

Pressed Moments – Poetry

I remember being young and my grandmother showing me flowers in a book

Not pictures of green stems and read petals

But small, paper-thin flowers

Colour pressed out over time

Held between tissue paper

A moment from long ago warped and frozen in time

A gift from my grandfather, who she met as a young man

 

I was given flowers, sunflowers and small purple flowers

They were beautiful, casting a large shadow on the wall beside my bed

I loved them

When they began to die I took the small purple flowers

Carefully wrapped in tissue paper and placed them inside a bible

To wait out time until they are as thin and faded at the flowers my grandmother showed me in her book

Moments from her past

 

These may not be flowers I show to my grandchildren

A moment of my past

They may become forgotten, lost in the story that is my life

But now they are a moment freezing in time

A moment stood still, unknowing when

If time and grace will end it

But now it is my silent symphony

A moment for myself

I have achieved a wish from my childhood

I have cared enough to press the flowers flat in the book

And in nurturing them I will leave them untouched

Because only time and patience will allow the moment to become fixed