I drown – Poetry

I drown my sorrow in you

I share with you my greatest joy

Those moments of silent pleasure

I hold you hot and pulsing

You hurt me and I like it

With you even thing is better

You slip inside me

I become whole

I can be be anything

And be anyone I wish to be

And tea my friend, my companion in life

I'll love you till the end





Dear 16 Year Old Me – Poetry

Dear 16 year old me
Yes, at the age of 24 you are still overweight
And you’re still wearing those same glasses
You never really became cool
Although at the age of 19 you had a hair crisis
And just stopped caring

Dear 16 year old me
That music really sucks
You know you don’t like deathmetal
Go put some B*Witched on your iPod
Go on…you know you want to
And stop wearing that black lipstick
You secretly know it doesn’t look good

Dear 16 year old me
Remember when you read that book
And assured yourself it was a phase
It wasn’t
So stop kissing boys in bars
And when someone tells you they live in a castle
Don’t believe them
You will lose not only a significant amount of dignity that night
But also a very nice cardigan

Dear 16 year old me
Someone will call you beautiful
Even when you have a spot the size of the moon on your face
And some friendships will last 400 miles
And some days the world will be absolutely perfect

Dear 16 year old me
You will make some mistakes
Being catatonic in the knife capital of Europe
That’s a low point
And breaking your ankle on Hogmanay another
But in all honesty
Don’t worry to much
At least this far
It’s been alright


Shockingly this friendship has lasted 400 miles
Shockingly this friendship has lasted 400 miles

My 16th Birthday Party

Said Little, But Said Enough


I remember very little of one of the hardest days of my life. But I remember you. Holding my mother as she cried for the loss of her father. I don’t remember what was said or who else was there, but I remember you. Tall and strong, teaching me with your presence how to comfort someone for whom words could never be enough.

You told me of my twin cousins, dead before their first breath. You consoled me then. Said little, but said enough.

I can’t remember the first time we met. As is with memories, when I think hard enough I think I can remember. A false memory, a patchwork of times and places that my mind has assembled till the joins are barely visible.

You have always been quite. All through my childhood and adolescence the silence has been there, a shadow in the background of my life. Never a silence of distance or awkwardness. A comfortable silence. Like a sofa that is always there, not always appreciated but there none the less.

I don’t know if these words will be said in person, or what you would think of them. You have been there at my best and at my worse and your silence brought me calmness.



Before I saw You the music shook me. It fell over my body shattering my bones as I drowned my brains in toxins. Poisons for which I paid a price. The floor glued me in place, held, captured by fallen joy and last night dreams of the night. But seeing You slowed it down. Made the music soothe me and made my feet become as air. Able to float away but I allowed myself to he held in this world. Embraced with Your eyes. Time seemed to slow; seconds stretched to eons and seasons flew. And you my private treasure moved. Hair spilled around You. Lost in a tornado of your own making. A tornado of blood which swirled around You. Drawing everyone to You.

I made my way towards You. I could hear You calling, beckoning me to be by Your side. To touch You, to feel You, to put my fingers in You. I am almost there my love. To hear your sweet voice for the first. To touch the fire that surrounds You and let myself burn.

He touches You. Holds You from behind, and breathes in the smog and ash. You smile, teeth invite him and lips allow him. It’s he You will welcome into You tonight. He who will touch You and make You roar with pleasure.

All I had with You was the time when the music slowed and I watched You, My Girl who stopped time.